Doubt

On a message board for homeschoolers, a poster recently wrote, "Guilt is the emotion of motherhood. Doubt is the emotion of homeschooling."

Gosh if that isn't the truth!

So often, people will make comments to me implying that homeschooling works for us because I have "it" all together. Or that I must be in some special superwoman club to be successful at it.

But none of that is true.

I am constantly riddled with doubt. I'm never quite certain if I think we are using the BEST curricula. I never feel like we are learning enough, as there is always about 100 more things at the end of the day that I would have liked the kids to discover. Sometimes it's the reverse and I wonder if I'm pushing the children too hard and have unrealistic expectations of what material they should be able to master.

It can be really, really hard to talk down the demons in my head that constantly whisper things like, "They would be better off with another teacher," or, "You're  not doing enough."  It's hard to find the balance between knowing when I need to lovingly push my child to grow and stretch themselves and when I need to back off because I am overwhelming them.

Like so much else in life, I've found homeschooling to be a balancing act.  I have to balance studies with fun  social opportunities. I have to balance textbook knowledge with practical application and life experiences. And yes, I even have to balance schooling with housekeeping, although I'll be honest and say that generally housekeeping takes the backseat.

I don't know if I'll ever be confident my my ability to teach my children. But then again, perhaps in some ways it's GOOD that I'm not. As much as I hate the nagging doubts, I do feel that they push me to try to do better for my kids.